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02 November 2007 @ 02:04 pm
That time of year  

I was just looking over our blogs, and the latest entry came from Auzelle almost 2 weeks ago. I think everyone's beginning to feel a bit busy and stressed out if I'm not mistaken.I just finished up my two papers for the semester, and wow, I'm beat! 

However, I do have some good news! Firstly, there is a chance I might get a second article published. My paper on Ellen Glasgow's "Whispering Leaves" is being peer reviewed now, so I'm hoping that it makes the cut ;) Secondly, I'm going to the American Literature Conference in San Francisco in May of 2008, and I'm going for FREE!!! Yep, that's right ladies, Clayton State has now officially paid for over $2,000 worth of my travel expenses for the 3 conferences I've attended thus far. Basically, I've taken my first 4 Master's classes for free if you add up how much they've given me for travel funding. Great, huh?

Somehow, I keep expecting to hear an echo of my own voice as I'm writing this, because there's a chance it may be a good while before anyone gets back with me to let me know how you all are doing at the moment. I miss everyone, it's been really lonely these past months. I'm ready for Thanksgiving break, which is only 10 more school days away, roughly equaly to about 85 hours at work and 10 more at school for me, not that I'm counting!

So, in keeping with this idea the lonely but happy place in my life, I came to a realization recently. After signing on to match.com, because, according to Dr. Phil, "it's ok to look," I've decided that what I really want, after it's all said and done, isn't to get into a relationship. Honestly, I dont even think that I want to date. I think a lot of my frustration with where I'm at has been rooted in the fact that I'd just like some companionship, and I guess I always thought the rememdy was through dating. What's been so hard is seeing everyone go. Kelly will be leaving, Dana is at grad school, Auzelle is at school... all of us have our own busy and demanding lives, and I'm a working adult with a child and an academic career. Can we say "isolation nation" anyone? I think now that I've owned the fact that I'm lonely and that it is really painful (no matter how grateful I am for where I'm at), I've really begun to learn a lot of things about that. After getting dozens of responses from match.com, I realized that even the guys I found attractive/interesting didn't really interest me. Not really. Not in the "I'm afraid to begin a new relationship or meet people" way, I mean more like I dont see that as such a fulfilling part of life anymore. What I want, like I've wrote here before, is someone to spend time with who can appreciate what I like, who's a good person, and who wants to be as good of a friend to me as I can to be to them. All of you, ladies, have done a great job of that. I dont think that romance is exactly all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes all a girl needs is just someone to hang out with-- forget candles and dating.

This isn't my declaration of becoming anti-dating, it's more that I really see how that I think I'm doing just fine as I am. It's such a bloody and raw process to learn about yourself, and now I think that anyone else in the picture would detract from my hard-won indepedance and success, unless I really want him, that is ;) Who knows what'll happen? But I'm not going to worry so much about not having prospects. I got the chance to see what it'd be like, and I can honestly say that I didn't care for it.

All I really want is to see all you more often.

love Anna

ptasnas37 on February 17th, 2013 11:57 am (UTC)
Can we chat? Go Here dld.bz/chwZM